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Gambling addiction hotline

The start of my recovery

Sorry, that gambling card game crossword phone case
912 posts В• Page 599 of 170

Gambling addiction hotline remnant online

Postby Nikorr В» 16.08.2019

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On MOnday 16th February my wife found evidence of my gambling relapse. Even though I have been battling online poker addiction for 3 years, having last over 25K and never cashing out winnings, I thought this time would be different. All I had to do was deposit a small amount on my credit card and then withdraw the free winnings. Of course I didn't. I am a compulsive gambler. I went up the tables to win more and before I knew it I had AA. A34 on the flop. He tuned over 78 off suit.

WHo goes all in with 78 offsuit pre-flop. Anyway, all my winnings were gone. I felt empty. I hated myself. I could have walked away. But I knew it was free money, so no harm no foul.

BUt what did I do? I used my company creidt card to try and win in back. Luckily my wife, who works me at my company, went in to the office on MOnday on her own and found the site open. She already knew I was gambling as I had spent the week at the office playing the game trying to win back my money, not sleeping, with that faraway look in my eyes. I lied of course. I'm not gambling, I would say.

But the truth came out. It was always the same with previous relapses. But this time was the quickest yet. Before I know it from playing an hour here an hour there, I am playing all the time. So now is 2 days clean, and I feel awful. My business is in trouble, not because I took too much money out, but because I have not been putting the work into the business. And I love my business.

But I loved poker more, even though I hate it. So this is the start of my recovery diary. I do not know who is going to read it, or comment, but I will read other people's stories to learn and gain knowledge. I have been to 2 GA meetings this week, Mon and Tues and will go again tomorrow. I have been diagbosed as clinically depressed, due to my gambling, and am on anti-depressents.

I have a small 16month of boy who is the most beautiful thing in the world, and I am going to sort myself out. One day at a time. I cannot fix my problems all at once. Right now I am very low, very depressed because I can see that playing poker, gambling, is no way of life for me. It takes over every time. I dread to think what would have happened if my wife had not found out. I was gambling away both our futures.

I need to grow up, to mature and take responasability for my actions. It was me who did it, me who signed up. The sites know who we are and share the info. The only people who make money are the sites, I need to remember this. The rest of us are caught in misery. Hey maverick, great post. We have all done things we regret when we forget that we have an addiction.

You are taking great steps to get yourself back in the right path. You have learned that us CGs can't gamble just a tenner..

Even a free one!! Keep strong , keep posting!! Although this is a new thread, I feel sure you are not a newcomer to this site, but it's good that you have told this part of your story and are setting out on the recovery path again.

I can hear that things are feeling really bad just now, but you have reached out to the right people and places and can make a good future for yourself, your wife, your little son and your business with support of those who care and with your own determination. You are right, you cannot change everything in a moment - it is step by step, one-day-at-a-time. But try not to focus too much on what has gone wrong, but look to what can be as you move gradually forward.

You can learn so much from this painful episode, but I hope it will not weigh too heavily on you, now you have got your mind back on recovery. Its great you have come for help.. Hi Maverick, It was great talking to you on the helpline and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums. Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment.

So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you. PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works! Really struggling today. This morning I have been very selfish. Everything has been about me and not my family.

I have this urge to destroy myself and everything. I feel as if I cannot get better but I must. I must do it for the same of my family. My little boy doesn't deserve a dad as pathetic as this. I have so much work to catch up on. The most important thing is to focus on my tasks and feel good about myself. To be proud of a god days work. It is such a long time since I have done one of those. The depression added on top of the relapse is killing me.

Any advice on how to get through today on how to focus and forget the past and just work on now is gratefully appreciated. So I am in the office and I have so much to do to deliver a big project that the relapse prevented me from doing. But the urge to find a new poker site which I have not self excluded from is enourmous. I really don't understand this addiction. I know I cannot play and I do not want to play - and yet I want to play.

What good can come from it? Can I win the time back I have lost? Can I win the money back I have lost? No, that is gone. Can I win back my child and wife's love? Of course not. Can I win back my self respect? Can I win back happiness? Infact, I will lose those things even more. Just writing this down helps so much, I wish I had done it earlier.

I feel so down at the time and money I have wasted, the opportunities I have wasted, the situation I am in now is a direct result of not being able to control my gambling. I am must remember that it is gambling, not just playing poker.

Becuase no matter how focused I was when I sometimes played, how I sometimes won, I never cashed out my winnings and I was alwasy chasing losses, getting caught up in tilt and then making stupid decisions, hating myself for it.

And I never want to be there again. When I get these urges I try to remember the bad times, how it felt to be losing, to know I was hooked again, 8 hours later with nothing to show for my time during work hours, hating myself for it, not eating, playing badly, desperate for AA and then going all in only to be beaten by JJJ on the flop and then depsoting again becuse I have no bankroll management.

I remember how obsessed I became trying to become a better player, and now I know you can never become a good player without losing huge amounts of money. What was meant to be a fun activity became so destructive. SO I sit here at my desk, with my staff around me who know nothing about this, knowing I cannot. I know that this post has helped me feel better, it has put into perspective what I must do - and that is do an honest days work for an honest day's pay and pull myself out ofthis whining, selft-pitying hole which is pathetic.

I am sick of being sick, I am sick of being depressed. I know that if I can go today without gambling and I can get my work done I will feel happy. I am planning to go to GA this evening and continue my recovery.

Voshicage
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Re: gambling addiction hotline remnant online

Postby Faetilar В» 16.08.2019

Rant over. Which is a pity. Knowledge I know is power if used in the correct way.

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Re: gambling addiction hotline remnant online

Postby Malakus В» 16.08.2019

Makes no difference. Depression is strange, it can be a chicken and egg I cant even boast any major wins really apart from 1!

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Re: gambling addiction hotline remnant online

Postby Fauktilar В» 16.08.2019

If I win it goes back with interest If I loose Im depressed angry and hungry. I was also due to see my father today but cant travel yet as no money. I am not going to feel sorry for myself. They are playing now with my little one, so I should get off the site and spend time with my friends.

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Re: gambling addiction hotline remnant online

Postby Tygolkree В» 16.08.2019

Totally irrationalwithout any sense and doomed to failure. Call the helplines to begin to try make sense of my what I am feeling. Very balanced.

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Re: gambling addiction hotline remnant online

Postby Akinozshura В» 16.08.2019

But as you have learned life can be great when you are a compulsive gambler who doesn't gamble. I remember how life used to be. Quite depressing knowing so many are affected by this addiction. Gemnant will http://enjoystake.site/top-games/top-games-ejection-vs-1.php never achieve my dreams now, but there are new dreams. I would also gamble when there were people, and I would hide away.

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Re: gambling addiction hotline remnant online

Postby Akinomuro В» 16.08.2019

It prevented me from focussing on the here and now and I totally lost sight of everything that was good in my life. His late forties. I am scared. I dread it.

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Re: gambling addiction hotline remnant online

Postby Vor В» 16.08.2019

I know this not to be true. There is hope, and there is help. Trained, experienced counselors are available 24 hours a day, seven days a week. But it is slow. My mind is somewhere else.

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Re: gambling addiction hotline remnant online

Postby Kagami В» 16.08.2019

The most important thing is to focus on my addictioon and feel good about myself. It is such a long time since I have done one of those. Please don't generalise Mav I just had my first session with the counsellor from GamCare and I was able to verbally express myself to him. Can I win the read more back I have lost?

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Re: gambling addiction hotline remnant online

Postby Gojora В» 16.08.2019

A plan is only good if you definition stink it through. Then around this time last year I was busy buying a pub in the village. To be play well, you need addjction to wait for good hands.

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Re: gambling addiction hotline remnant online

Postby Taujinn В» 16.08.2019

Settling clear goals etc. Yet he sneers and laughs and does nothing to discourage his son from article source abusing his wife! I gamble to escape and hate myself for it. It's a huge loss John, but your mum has also prepared you for this in her own way. I dont plan on being in this place long.

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Re: gambling addiction hotline remnant online

Postby Shajinn В» 16.08.2019

This I will be starting tomorrow morning. If you rush, you don;t win. Becuase no matter how focused I was vs top games ejection I sometimes played, how I sometimes won, I never cashed out my winnings and I was alwasy chasing losses, getting caught up in tilt and then making stupid decisions, hating myself for it. Use the Gamblers Anonymous website to find a meeting in your area, or to learn more about problem gambling.

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Re: gambling addiction hotline remnant online

Postby Akijind В» 16.08.2019

She will be gone for 3 months. I am sitting at home, feeling flat, thinking about what I have lost - but source to think about what I have. These guys are not gambling - they're working. I didn't even lose lots of money, but I lost time and self respect. When I say buy I mean the business not the building.

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Re: gambling addiction hotline remnant online

Postby Tucage В» 16.08.2019

I was once where you are now. Hi John Somebody, what an open and honest post. Am pisssssed off about that.

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Re: gambling addiction hotline remnant online

Postby Kagazragore В» 16.08.2019

So I need an action gotline. When I gamble the sense of filling that lonely void caused my gambling in the first place is temporary and false. I've just got back from my GamCare session, where we talked a lot about my approach to life.

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Re: gambling addiction hotline remnant online

Postby Megami В» 16.08.2019

I have nothing clean to wear and must look half insane by now when I do go out side. Femnant could scream I get tired after an hour or two of any intellectual work. I just want all these feelings to go away.

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Re: gambling addiction hotline remnant online

Postby Mikajin В» 16.08.2019

We addictjon when he was a baby. That is what ismeant by a game of skill. I know in time these thoughts will ease. As I dread xmas. Vera I am just working at the moment but will write more later but want to say that you have shown incredible strength to go and make that payment rather than shove it down the ever hungry mouth of the vile slots!

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Re: gambling addiction hotline remnant online

Postby Kazradal В» 16.08.2019

It's a huge loss John, but your mum has also prepared you for this in her own way. Read more course this triggered a huge urge to gamble. He my dad has saved me though remnamt is lending me money for the dentist fees tomorrow and to get some food. All good stuff.

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