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Gambling addiction retaliate

Postby Mikataur В» 28.07.2019

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The first time was a few years ago and was so naive how strong this addiction really is. I thought I would hit this problem head on and get it fixed. I have a 24 almost 25 year old son who has been compulsively gambling since he was He lives with us and the problem is he is currently quite fragile i. I has done some cutting of himself and as seems the case with a lot of gamblers - threatened suicide.

I am just having such a hard time getting myself to the spot where I don't think if I could just find the right words etc he would be able to stop. He is in a quasi recovery in that he knows its a problem and doesn't want this in his life but can't seem to get to the next part where the real work must start!

I really am soooo tired of everything that goes with this addiction. Thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy friends and family forum. This forum will provide you with warmth and understanding from your peers. Hi Worried I am so pleased you knew to come back — welcome. I probably remember you under another name but I have no idea what support you were given when you came before, so please forgive any repetition Before I say anymore I want you to know that it is because I know the addiction to gamble can be controlled that I am writing to you and like you, it is my son who is the CG.

When you speak to your son, the addiction beast in the corner is watching and waiting for a reason to gamble further and to blame you and the world for that urge. When you threaten the addiction, it comes between you and controls the conversation or argument because it is the master of threats and manipulation and you are not. Once the addiction is between you, you will only hear his addiction speak — its weapons are lies and deceit and it will seek to make you feel blame and demoralize you.

As you speak the addiction distorts your words making them incomprehensible to your son. My CG, son who does live in control of his addiction, explained it to me by saying that when I talked to him about love, honesty and living a decent life, his addiction was hard at work passing on to his confused mind, that I could not possibly love him because he was unlovable and worthless the same low self esteem you mention in your son.

I cannot tell you what to do but I think it is better not to believe anything your son says while he is an active CG because in doing so you become receptive.

If you can stand back a bit and listen to what he is saying, it becomes easier not get caught up in an argument that has no point apart from making you feel less in control. Once you begin to try and put your side the addiction has something to get its teeth into.

Come back on here and tell me what he is saying rather than argue with him. Are you worrying about this on your own? Do you have other family to support you? The addiction to gamble divides families by feeding on lies and secrecy. Unfortunately unless people have lived with the addiction to gamble, their opinions can be very narrow and not supportive so personally I think it is best to tell others as a statement rather than ask for opinions which are generally unhelpful.

You can gather information here so that you can make your own informed decisions with that knowledge. I like the term quasi recovery but I know it is an extremely fragile state. In my opinion it would be good to tell your son that you are seeking support that you are making the effort and you are stronger for it. Find out about local GA groups, perhaps tell him about this site and suggest he calls our helpline, look into dedicated addiction counsellors. Write information down about support groups in big letters and leave it where he can find it — again if you approach him verbally, his addiction will not want to hear.

I think it is good to let him know without fear and tears that you are on his side — that you are seeking to understand, rather than telling him what you think he should do. There are no words to make him stop gambling but there are seeds you can sow in his mind that a gamble-free life is possible, that you will support him if he seeks it but you will not support his addiction. We have CG only groups that he can join and know that what he says is understood.

Give him hope — but most importantly look after you because as part of the wreckage of his addiction, you will not be able to support him. Hi Velvet Thanks for your response. What I find the most difficult is the anger I feel. After 6 years of this I do know that screaming, yelling etc. He is going for a psychiatric assessment this week as he feels there is something very wrong with him as he says he hasn't been happy in a long time.

I know there are issues but he can't seem to grasp that the gambling is now an addiction that he uses to cope with and nothing will get better until he addresses it. It goes round and round and I know if I don't do something on my end to break it this could go on forever : I start out strong with such resolve and then am sucked back into either ignoring it or feeling sorry for him, neither of which helps!! Hi Worried When I felt I was becoming powerless with a terrible anger that frightened me, I would shut myself away at and write a secret journal.

I took all the pain and put it in writing, pouring it out on to the page— never to be read by anyone. I used to take all the things that had hurt me and type furiously with spelling mistakes, capital letters, underlining and strong swearing words I have never uttered.

My fingers learned to move like wild-fire and when I had finished each session I would feel drained but there was also a feeling of release, as that particular pain was no longer whizzing round my brain causing me to lose my ability to cope. I never re-read what I had written but printed the pages off and I kept them in a secret file.

I never got round to sharing with friends - I held the secret in shame and misery. I hope you will find release in this forum and of course in the group there is complete privacy. I understand the resolve gradual dissolving but unless resolve is held each wound will just add to all the others.

I unwittingly lived with the addiction for 23 years — he told me then that he had a problem with gambling but it meant nothing and I went a further 2 years in confusion. Knowing what you are facing does make a difference. I hope the psychiatrist has some understanding of the addiction to gamble but listen to what your son is told and make your own judgement. It is ok to feel anger but it is better if it is channelled into things that will not hurt you — shouting at your son will do no good — he cannot hear.

Stick with us — keep posting, join our groups, talk to our helpline — it does make a difference. Do you have other children? Siblings are affected by an addiction in the family and it is easy to take your eye of the ball and only see the addiction everywhere.

You are not alone Worried. I survived it and I have survived it with a vengeance. You can do it. As I read your post I could totally relate to everything as my 30 year old son has been gambling for a few years now not exactly sure when it started and I feel I'm at my wits end. He knows he has a problem, tells me he hates living like this and I believe him , but just won't take the next step to stop. So in my frustration and desperation, I googled and found this site and yours was the first post I read.

And the follow up posts have me feeling a bit better about how I can manage things, so looking forward to sharing and learning here as I undertake this unpleasant journey! Hi KB Its so very frustrating and I like you have been at my wits end many times. I went to Gam-Anon this week and must say it was comforting and think I will continue.

Its also very hard as most of the people on the forums and all at the Gam-Anon are all dealing with husbands or boyfriends. I know we all must learn the same lessons in looking after ourselves etc. Hi My son is also a CG.

I have lived alongside this for 10 years. I can say that I have experienced feelings that I never felt possible. He has had a horrendous time but me also. He has been to GA , and even GordonHouse but still gambles. Finding this forum has been a real turning point for me. I have read about other mums suffering the same and had great support from Velvet on the chat line.

The main thing is I have learnt about the cycles and learnt how I have enabled myson to gamble , the things I have done! Also I have learnt that I must look after myself to keep strong.

I have a daughter too and along with a new partner have to understand how they feel. I feel empowered now and able to say NO to my son but also keep a good part of our relationship. My heart goes out to you because I really do feel what you are going through and hopefully we can support each other.

Sam x. Hi Worried Just a quick note on your Gamanon group - stick with it. Everybody learns from everybody else and that is what matters. Maybe in made me do more listening in the early days.

Gamanon was my route to my salvation.. My son told me that I could have done nothing to prevent his addiction, nor was I to blame. As yet, your son cannot speak as a person in control of his addiction but never lose hope. Youth makes them feel invincible and nothing you can say will change that until he is ready.. How much better it is for you and you son that you put yourself first, enjoy the company of others, seek new friendships, have hobbies and interests.

When the time comes for your son to realise that his destructive addiction controls him and it is that which is ruining his life, then he will have a healthy, strong mother to talk to and share with, whereas if you are another victim of his addiction you will not be fit enough to help him or you.

Sow the seeds for him. Point him towards GA, this site, dedicated addiction counsellors but recognise that you cannot save him — only he can do that. The only person you can save is you and believe me that is so very, very important. If you are concerned that the username you have given yourself is something that your son could identify with and you would rather that he did not, you can change it. I am the mother of a compulsive gambler but I know that the addiction to gamble can be controlled which is why I am here.

Well done on finding us — please use us and know that you are not alone anymore. Velvet You may never know what results come from your actions but if you do nothing, there will be no results. Absolutely did not intend to waste energy with who felt the greater pain! There is comfort in seeing that it does happen to other parents.

Rightly or wrongly I do tend to feel I did something wrong and as a parent it is my job to "fix" it

My Gambling Addiction - On The Red Dot - CNA Insider, time: 4:21
JoJogor
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Re: gambling addiction retaliate

Postby Kisida В» 28.07.2019

He knows he has a problem, tells me reyaliate hates living like this and I believe himbut just won't take the next step to stop. The four elements needed for gambling to addiction are: A decision: For gambling gambling happen, you need to make the decision to gamble. Family therapy and marriage, career, and credit retaliate.

Fausar
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Re: gambling addiction retaliate

Postby Gugore В» 28.07.2019

He certainly lives way beyond his means. I agree with you Vera we mom's as I know you know are easily manipulated by gambling little babies- and particularly sons. Addiction medical authors suggest that the biomedical model retzliate problem gambling retaliate be retaliae because it focuses only on individuals. It would be great one day if your time zone allowed us to talk in real time but in just click for source meantime please keep posting and focusing on your life. How true that is!!

Tygogis
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Re: gambling addiction retaliate

Postby Vimuro В» 28.07.2019

It is ok to feel anger but it is gambling if it is channelled addicyion gambling that will not hurt you — shouting at your son will do no good — addiction cannot hear. Your son will be in my prayers. Read more Neurology and Neuroscience Reports. Retsliate wish your retaliate well; I am aware that retaliate son still commits addiction every day to live in control of his addiction and I trust that he will always do so.

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